I've realized I should update my blog more frequently. I just forget to, because I have so many other social media channels to update. Actually, not that many, that sounds terrible. I'm just not very successful at keeping them all up to date. But this is my website, so I should update this blog more often.
I've been very busy this past year. I feel like things are finally sort of moving into place and that I'm slowly getting closer and closer to where I want to be. I've been working a lot in my studio and have found so much joy in painting again. I didn't want to paint for a while, after graduating art school. I worried about not having a cohesive style, and that really got in my way. I'm still struggling with those feelings every now and then, but I now paint whatever I want to paint and don't bother myself too much with whether others will like it, or whether or not it differs too much from other things I've done. I just want to keep on exploring. I'm still discovering so much everyday, and even though what I do seems to be all over the place to me sometimes, I've decided to just roll with it. I have faith that everything I do, from acting to writing to painting, will eventually fall into place one day. Or some of it might not, and that would be totally fine. I'm not going to quit because it doesn't all fit in some mould others might need.
I've been following acting courses at De Jaargang & Kemna Training this year, and those have taught me so much. About myself, myself as an actress, but also about myself as an artist. De Jaargang has been incredible for me, I've learned I can do much more than I thought I was capable of, and it has given me a real confidence boost. I've discovered talents I didn't know I had, and have grown more confident in the talents I have and in what I'm doing. It taught me to have faith in myself and my intuitions. As a result I picked up singing lessons again, because I loved the voice lessons we had, and would love to develop my singing more in the future. I've always loved singing but have also always been a bit shy about it. My voice has a, as my voice-over teacher said, a 'very specific sound' and I've hated my voice so much in the past. But if De Jaargang has taught me anything, it's to keep pursuing and work on all the things I love. And I love a lot.
This year has also made me aware of the fact that what I want to do and what I want to keep doing, is creating. And that I want to, and love to create in any possible way. Mid April I made the decision to quit my waitressing job and it has been of the best decisions of my life so far. Sure, I still need a parttime job, 'cause art doesn't pay my bills yet, but I knew that from the start. Not working as a waitress anymore has relieved me of so much stress and anxiety. I really wasn't myself for a while and I hated that. I hated that I couldn't do what I wanted to do, because I was too damn exhausted from work all the time. So I decided to find a job better suited to me as a person. I haven't found the perfect parttime job yet, but I'm sure I'll find one soon. But first, its time to unwind a bit. I'm leaving this week for a vacation in Norway, and I can't wait to go hiking and camping and to read lots and lots of books. See you in a bit!